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Big Knobi Klub ~~ Today's Menu
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Shadowrun, its logos, Ares Macrotech, Ares Arms, the Awakening, Aztechnology, Fuchi, Lone Star, the Matrix, Mitsuhama, Renraku, Saeder-Krupp, Seretech, Shiawase, SIN's, the Sixth World, Tir Tairngire, Tír na nÓg, the Trading Card Game, United Oil, Urban Brawl, Yamatetsu, and a whole bunch of other game-names (that I've obviously forgotten) are all trademarks of FASA Corporation and are being used right under their noses, without their expressed permission, their devout blessings, or heck, probably even their knowledge. The "official" Shadowrun Timeline and Attribute rules were blatantly copied, then hurriedly paraphrased from my dilapidated, soft-bound, 2nd edition, Shadowrun rulebook, ©1992, as well as from the Shadowrun Companion, ©1996, and Shadowrun 3rd editions, both ©1998 (yes, I have a softback & a hardback!). The triple-A megacorporation profiles and tabular ratings were forged verbatim from my in-slightly-better-condition copy of Corporate Shadowfiles, ©1993 and the newly released Corporate Download, ©1999. These postings are in no way challenging, threatening to, nor pompous enough to even dream of infringing upon FASA's rights. Original material presented within these hallow pages is ©1995-2000, by Logan Graves. So don't even THINK of ripping-off my ideas! (However, if you are a publisher, we can talk!) Any resemblences to any persons dead (just shows that I'm not as good at photo retouching as I thought I was) or alive (just shows that I'm not as good a shot as I thought I was) er, is purely coincidental. Remember, I'm not embellishing history, just telling my side of it!Other restrictions may apply.
The really fine print (a.k.a. all that fine print that's fine to print): Action figures sold separately. All models over 18 years of age. List was current at time of printing. Reader assumes full responsibility. Some equipment shown is optional. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. Batteries not included. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Objects behind screen appear closer than they are. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. It is a violation of Federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistant with its labelling. May cause physical trauma, up to and including agitation of prostate. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Only the absolute barest minimum of animals were harmed, tortured, vivisected, or otherwise mutilated in the creation of these pages. Products out of warranty will be repaired at our standard repair charges. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. Keep all limbs inside while moving. See label for sequence. Do not write below this line____. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here x. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here x without admitting guilt. Slightly higher east of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here x if tax deductible. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final. Unix was a registered trademark of AT&T. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Not an oral contraceptive. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no articles. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from OJ. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Instructions are included. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not siphon gasoline by mouth. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Warning: Pregnant Women, the Elderly, and Children should avoid prolonged exposure to Big Knobi Klub. Caution: Big Knobi Klub may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Big Knobi Klub contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not visit Big Knobi Klub on an empty stomach. Discontinute use of Big Knobi Klub if any of the following occurs: Itching, Vertigo, Hearing Loss, Dizziness, Blurred Vision (astral, multi-spectral, or otherwise), Tingling in Extremities, Muscle Twitching, Loss of Balance or Coordination, "Schlurred Shpeech", Temporary Blindness, Ringinginginging in the Ears, Explosive Diarrhea, Odoriferous Belching, Uncontrollable Flatulence, Broadcast Telepathy, Profuse Sweating, Heart Palpitations, or the irrepressible urge to spout Emily Dickinson's poetry! Danger: Big Knobi Klub may spontaneously combust. The Big Knobi Klub attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them. If Big Knobi Klub begins to smoke, get away immediately, seek shelter, cover head, and be afraid-- be very afraid. Big Knobi Klub may stick to certain types of skin. Remain in safari vehicle, once inside park. When not in use, Big Knobi Klub should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Big Knobi Klub, L.Graves, its subsidiary, Gamers' Loft Incorporated, and the game's manufacturer, FASA Corporation, of any and all liability. Ingredients of Big Knobi Klub include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. Footage from Big Knobi Klub has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt Big Knobi Klub's manager! May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle accident, alien invasion, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, APDS, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, emissions of Alpha-, Beta-, Gamma-, Cosmic-, X-, or N-Rays, knives, stones, etc. ad nauseum...). This supersedes all previous notices.
My utmost, heartfelt thanks go out to the late Nigel Findley for all the words & dedication to the Shadowrun role-playing game and to Black Isis for doing all of that unpleasant corporate dirt-digging.