Get Stupid ANSI.
A Selection of Computer One-Liners
forwarded by Patti Weeg
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Windows '95: Just another pane in the glass.
"The name is Baud......, James Baud."
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!
C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Southern DOS: "Y'all reckon?" (Yep/Nope)
"Backups? We don't *NEED* no steenking backups."
... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
"An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting."
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
"Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?"
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
"Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS..."
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Press
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
To err is human, it takes a computer to really *.*-up.
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
"Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!"
"All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?"
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Hit any user to continue.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write,
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
June 9, 1996 Clearly Public Domain Re-use Freely
then programming must be the process
of putting them in.
it should be hard to understand.
journal@shore.intercom.net