Readers who thought Pat Buchanan unfairly 'bashed' last week, read on. There's not a word in this week's warp about our favorite fascist. We will tell you what a "spammer" is, if you don't already know, and how exotic dancers in New York are really like health care workers.
Lawyer's Laugh
Who says lawyers don't have a sense of humor? Take for example this exchange between lawyers during Simpson's deposition taken Friday. This line of questioning, by lead plaintiff attorney Daniel Petrocelli, centers around clothes that Simpson gave away in January of '94, to the 'other' Furhman.
"And who did you give them to?"
"Some to a guy named Fuhrman, believe it or not, and then other
guys in the building. You know, you put them in big bags and you
take them downstairs, and, you know, I don't know if they go to
Goodwill or the doorman goes through them or what."
"What was Fuhrman's first name?"
"I only knew him as Furhman."
"You are not saying you gave away a pair of Aris Light gloves to
Mr. Furhman are you?"
Simpson's attorney Robert Baker interjects, "Don't answer that.
That's a great question, though."
Then John Kelly, the lawyer for Ms. Simpson's estate says, "That's
one of the most remarkable things of all time."
"That was a great question," Baker said.
"I couldn't resist, " Petrocelli.
Now, why didn't F. Lee Bailey think of that?Cyberbullies
We had no idea that some internet users are so high-minded and yet can stoop so low. Neither did a Texas man who advertised a long- distance company on the web and received e-mail death threats for breaching the internet's nonprofit ethic.
We did learn some new vocabulary in the news report. It appears
internet users who resent use of the network for profit refer to
such people as "spammers" and internet advertisements as "spam."
Then, there are "mail bombs" or lengthy letters that can disrupt a
computer system. So, you'd better be up on your "Netiquette" or
risk becoming fried spam.Rub My Belly
"Just a little too weird," says saxophonist Gerry Mulligan's son about his dad's second wife's plan for memorializing the jazz great. Franca Rota Mulligan wants "to have his ashes blessed... and then made into little Buddhas."
Reed Mulligan, Mulligan's only child, pointed out that his father
was Roman Catholic, not Buddhist. Mulligan died Jan. 20 at age 68.
He said his father's widow told him the Buddha statues would be put
"in her Buddhist shrine in her spare bedroom."
We wonder why the Mulligan Buddhas don't rate the main bedroom.Working Women
Hey. Exotic dancers are working women too! In the eyes of the IRS, dancers who perform for customers in private booths are employees like nurses or waiters, and their employers can't stint on taxes by calling them contractors.
A judges' ruling this week is going to hit Show World, a Times
Square sex-oriented business where it hurts. It owes Uncle Sam
$250,000 in back taxes. Show World is saying unfair, the women
leased the one-on-one "fantasy booths" or worked as private
contractors. Those classifications would cost the business
considerable less in taxes.
The judge said the women are employees similar to a health care
worker who "tailors her routine to the needs of the patient."Speak No Evil
Ming W. Chin thought he owed a frank answer to a direct question when he said "I happen to believe it is the woman's right to choose." But after a grueling confirmation hearing for California's Supreme Court, that centered around the issue of abortion, Chin now thinks that 'mums the word' is a better policy.
Some state republicans (huge surprise there), took aim at Chin's
belief and tried to sabotage his confirmation. One former
republican congressman argued that Chin would be biased in abortion
cases. To follow that logic Chin would be equally as biased if he
had said he was 'anti-abortion'. Best, we guess, not to have an
opinion on a woman's right to abortion if you want to be a judge.
Chin was finally confirmed, and sworn into office.Urban Iditarod
Mush you little huskies. If you want to run with the big dogs in San Francisco's Iditarod, you better be able to dodge buses, avoid pot holes, look out for cable cars, and not mind looking silly.
That's right. Runners of the Urban Iditarod put on canine costumes
and pull shopping carts through the killer hills of San Francisco
on a course that weeds out the weak. Organizers of the event
however, are not without heart. Following the lead of the Alaskan
original, there will be several mandatory rest stops -- all at
local bars.
Kelley!
Table of Contents