This week...how 'warped' we truly are, from Pat Buchanan to paper pantsuits for prostitutes. Mardi Gras takes on new meaning as it falls on election day. And some Christians are ready to do more than just bare their souls. Read it and weep.
The Warp Winner
Can we get anymore WARPED than Pat Buchanan winning in New Hampshire? Perhaps, that's enough said. But let me add that ABC exit polls say people voted for Buchanan because they wanted a candidate who stood up for his views. Excuse me. Does it make any difference what those views are? Don't wait until you're being called ungodly and anti-American and told that "we have ways of fixing that."
Fat Pat Tuesday
By the way, Buchanan won the New Hampshire primary on Fat Tuesday. Could it be foreboding?
Revelries in New Orleans did their best, although police say Mardi
Gras was sparser and quieter than in years past. Still, a million-
plus people crammed the city, drinking, cross-dressing, undressing,
and in general letting loose in this annual festival that marks the
last chance for fun before mortification. Maybe that's the
connection...mortification...Pat Buchanan...? Cloak and Dagger
Could those journalists who wear trench-coats out in the field really be spies? Yes indeed. They could be moonlighting for the CIA.
Knowing a good sleuth when they see one, our Central Intelligence
Agency has for many years recognized the benefit of enlisting
people who know how to dig up a story. Although a 1977 rule forbids
the practice, CIA Director John Deutch admitted this week he has
the power to waive that rule, and will continue to do so.
The news media is protesting the practice which they say puts their
"people in jeopardy." Back in the USSR
Speaking about people being put in jeopardy, sorry, but it's back to Pat Buchanan. Did you realize that the only positive reaction found in the AP from around the world to Buchanan's New Hampshire win came from Russian ultranationalist Vladimir Zhirinovsky? A candidate in June presidential elections, he congratulated Buchanan as "a comrade and brother-in-arms."
The Great Wall
No congratulations from the Mexicans, who appear to be truly bummed about Buchanan's vow to use troops and build walls along the Mexican border to stop illegal immigrations. Let's see, it could be a great way to put thousands of folks who have had their welfare cut, to work. But, building walls? It's so literal.
Naked But Not Naughty
Talk about being literal. Christian nudists who live up to the Genesis verse "naked and not ashamed," are planning a weekend retreat of hot-tubbing, karaoke and reading Bibles in the buff. Jerry Love (yep, that's his name), a Methodist, has already booked 60 reservations from around the country for the getaway at his Whispering Pines family nudist resort in N.C.
Love says "We believe you can be a nudist and religious, too." No
argument there. But his wife, Carol, a Baptist, may have been
stretching it when she added: "Christians can help to make nudism
wholesome, family-oriented fun."Paper Dolls
Here's a police force with a vision. Paper. It's the latest in fashion-wear for prostitutes who are arrested in Costa Mesa, Calif. After their clothes are seized for evidence, prostitutes are handed white paper jumpsuits to don. Sgt. Loren Wyrick said, "We're trying to make them as uncomfortable as possible."
Interesting strategy. But isn't what's good for the goose, good for
the gander? Feminists and civil libertarians want to know why the
women's customers don't have to trade in their duds for the
disposables.
Wyrick maintains that prostitutes wear clothes designed to attract
attention, but quickly adds, clothing alone would never be
considered evidence of prostitution. Uh huh. Watch those short
skirts and tight shirts in Costa Mesa."I'm not dead yet!"
"I've seen dozens of bodies in my 15 years as a police officer," said Sgt. Ben Hellard. "She looked as dead as any of them."
But, she wasn't. 95 year old Helen Fincel of Frankfort, Ky. decided
there was life in her still, although she nearly scared Hellard to
death. Hellard received quite a shock when he pulled back the sheet
to photograph what he thought was a dead woman, and she started to
move.
Fincel was mistakenly declared dead after falling off her back
porch and lying for several hours in near-freezing temperatures.
Once her body began to thaw she revived. Said Fincel's cousin after
visiting her in the hospital, "She's a tough old woman."Toe Tag
Something to leave you laughing this week if you have half a wit, from Julia Roberts. Roberts on what she likes in a man:
"I love being engaged in conversation with this man, (Matthew Perry)
because he's so terribly clever. Wit is the key, I think, to
anybody's heart, because who doesn't like to laugh? Who? Show me
the person who doesn't like to laugh and I'll show you a person
with a toe tag."
Kelley!