It's a weekday afternoon at the Intercom/ICNet offices, that part of the day when you can almost smell your supper cooking, and you don't remember having lunch.

Nobody here remembers today's lunch, because nobody here had time for lunch. We know. We've been crouched in the corner scanning pictures, and in the hour we've been working, the phone has not stopped ringing, and the door has not stopped swinging.

Everybody wants the same thing: they want the internet, and they want it now, and they want it with about the same time investment and difficulty of acquiring a box of jelly donuts from the corner bakery.

On the phone, we listen as Keith Brewer explains the difference between America Online and the internet. On another line, Rich Schriber tells another customer: "You will have to hang up to try again." (pause) "Because you said you have one phone line." (pause) "Well, if you still only have one phone line, then we will have to hang up the phone in order for you to try it again." (pause) "Well, can you usually make more than one outgoing call at a time ?" (pause) "Yes. You will have to...."

At the counter, a mom and her teenage daughter, along with a retired submarine officer, a working mother and a physician wait patiently for their ticket to the internet. They are anxious, but willing to wait however long it takes. They get their account, and they leave. But the boys know it's not really goodbye.

They'll be back to find out what a modem is. Or to find out why the one that's built into their Packard Bell doesn't work, or why the smallest pictures take seven hours and twenty-three minutes to display. We make the observation, during a brief lull in the action, that they look like the MASH 4077th unit, just treating the wounded, trying to keep ahead.

"That's exactly what it feels like.", says Schriber "So many of these folks don't know what's involved, and we really have to help them every step of the way. But, that's what we're here for."

Richard Mitchell logs a lot of calls while he is there during the evenings and on weekends maintaining the servers that make up the system, and monitoring the lines going out into the world. He speaks quietly, encouragingly into his headset telephone, his hands flying over the keyboard as he verifies this, modifies that.

Richard is, after all, a farm-boy, and farmers are generally noted for their helpfulness, and as often as not.. their sense of humor. Richard tells an amusing story about a call Rich Scriber took earlier in the week.

  "The first thing most people tell you is that
   they know nothing about computers. And then,
   in an instant, they forget that.

   The other day, a man called and said "I just
   bought this computer, and I have never had one
   before.  I have taken it apart, and there is
   this part on this big green thing that doesn't
   look like it does anything. Can I just break
   it off ?"

   "No, I don't think that would be good." Rich
   tells him. "It may be there for a reason.  Why
   don't we just put the computer back together, 
   and see if it will turn on, ok ?"

Most businesses would be happy to have this kind of a problem, because what it really means is that the customers really do want the product, and are willing to do what is necessary to get it.

These guys know this, and they remain pleasant and helpful, even though they are tired and hungry, and their eyes burn from the strain of hours looking at monitors.

They would not want our comments here to cause any user to hesitate to ask for help if they need it, because they want people online, and they want them to get the most out of it. Frustration with the connection does no one any good.

But users can help by taking care of as much of their end of the connection as possible. Make sure your computer is in working order, that it communicates with your modem, and that your modem communicates with the telephone company. This is usually pretty easy to do by simply sitting down with the computer and following the instructions.

It helps to have two telephone lines. If the service purchased is limited to local unlimited calling, the cost will never include long-distance calls.

If given the choice, choose an external rather than an internal modem. With an external modem, you can tell at a glance whether you are online or not, and whether data is being transferred. You can also just switch it off and on momentarily to break the connection, which is a handy thing to do at times, when you are leaving the room for a minute that could turn into an hour.

Don't leave your computer logged into the system if you are not using it. Learn how to connect and disconnect and reconnect easily, so that it does not frighten you to break the connection. This is simply a matter of courtesy to other users, since no system can provide a virtually unlimited front end.

Take the responsibility of understanding what it is you are doing. It is not like the engine in your car, which you can use without any understanding of how it gets you down the road. You don't need to understand how your computer is doing what it is doing, but you do have to be able to determine whether or not it is actually doing it.

And bring donuts, or sticky-buns, when you go to see your provider. The goodwill that gifts of food engender in the recipients goes a long way in soothing tired eyes and frayed senses of humor. Oh, and if there is a part on your computer, and you're not sure what it's for, go ahead and leave it there. Maybe someday you will find out what it does, and you will wonder how you ever lived without it. Much as you will wonder about the computer, we suspect.

Have a good week. We hope this one will be simpler.