We have described before in these pages the demands placed upon the folks who provide us our internet connection, and have in the past likened it to the electronic equivalent of the MASH 4077th.

We spent a lot of time this week working in that hospital, and found there were some wounds suffered by some users that might have been avoided with a better understanding of what this is all about, from a technical standpoint.

One thing we saw a lot of was people trying to get machines to do things they were never built to do. A PPP connection is a pretty demanding task for a computer, and requires a lot of processing power. While it is possible to make a connection with an enhanced 386 machine running Windows, it can take as long as seven or eight years to get Netscape to run, and it simply isn't worth the wait.

The hourglass is the key. If you see more of that than you see of what you are looking for, then you have a problem. The solution depends on your machine.

If you have an older computer, any kind of 386 or any lower-speed 486 (we don't know anything about Macs), you can spend money on memory, as much as you can afford, but the best bet is to get a new machine, one with the fastest processor and the most memory possible.

The solution can cause another problem, if you are not careful. Many new computers are shipped today with Windows 95 and 8mb of memory, which in our opinion is a recipe for frustration.

Windows 95 takes a lot of memory, and while it will load into 8mb of memory, it will hardly run. If you add the memory requirements of a communications program, a browser and a mailer, you can forget it. Everything your computer tries to do will be written to disk rather than performed in memory, and you will be staring at the hourglass along with the 386/4mb folks.

As in all consumer products, you get what you pay for. You can save a lot of money buying mail-order, or over the counter at Circuit City, but if you don't know what you are buying, how do you know if it's right ? You don't.

You have to trust someone who does know to provide you with what you need at a fair price. And if you spend some time, as we have, down at the 4077th, you will see that the folks there know what they are doing, and they know what you need to roll out in the fast lane on the infobaun, instead of poking along on the side of the road in a 1973 Pinto. This is the future, people. Get with the program!!

If you're wondering what to do with your old computer, not to worry. Patti Weeg and her students, and all the other kids in schools on Delmarva, are badly in need of computers. Let us know, and we will be more than happy to take care of the details.

Until next week then.. see you on the highway.